Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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