I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
