I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
