She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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