I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish i was in the wii world.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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