so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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