i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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