make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
