she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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