my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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