kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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