On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
