Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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