yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
