Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
