im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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