thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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