I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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