i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
