I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
