What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
