Need sex. Gaining weight.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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