so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
