honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
