I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
