Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
