I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
