Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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