No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
