I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
