Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
