So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
