The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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