I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
