Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
