We won't sleep together?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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