I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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