The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Im part way to drunk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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