Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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