I think my fart just growled at me.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
