im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
