why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
