Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
