Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
