If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
