3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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