well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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