dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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