Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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