I wannas sexs uuuuu
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
