I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
